Unreal Nature

August 31, 2009

Explanation of Benefits

Filed under: Uncategorized — unrealnature @ 8:51 am

Explanation of Benefits
Skip this section. No benefits are currently available.

If the whole health care mess has you depressed, here is some black humor from The New Yorker. It’s a spoof health care newsletter, Fibrillations by Bruce McCall (Sept 7, 2009):

Policy Updates
— The new “Artificial Horizons” Plan for prosthetics will no longer provide separate prosthetic toes. See Pamphlet 567-A-2099 for a limited-time-only “Five-Pak” prosthetic-toe kit. (One foot per subscriber.)

Q. & A. of the Month
Q: My current statement lists two hundred and thirty-one charges for “brain surgery,” even though I have had no brain surgery. How can I rectify this?
A: Invalid question. Brain surgery is not covered under your plan.

Bottom-Line Bulletins
We are constantly fine-tuning our operations in our relentless effort to make your sickness pay. Some recent examples:
— Prescription-drug prices have been lowered.*
— We’ve reduced costly paperwork by passing it on to you.
*For those subscribers requiring no medication.

Helpful Tips
— Planning your next major illness for off-peak times (see “Early Bird Bargains”) can save you money. Example: visiting the E.R. with a cerebral hemorrhage between 3 A.M. and 6 A.M. on holiday-weekend Mondays can save up to two hundred hours of waiting time.

There is more

-Julie

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