Unreal Nature

March 31, 2009


Filed under: Uncategorized — unrealnature @ 6:36 am

Recently, while reading an article in The New Yorker, Birds, Bees, Fish, by Ben McGrath, I ran across this sentence:

Next came shorts in which [Isabella] Rossellini was dressed as a whale, a limpet, an anglerfish, and a barnacle — which turns out to have the largest penis of all, relative to its body size. Rossellini’s barnacle costume included a twenty-foot-long extension.

Did you know that? I didn’t know that. This seems like the kind of thing one would know.

Here is what I have found out about barnacles from Deep Sea News (Kevin Zelnio) blog (June 17, 2008):

… you are a permanent fixture on a rock. Can’t move. What is a young, lovestruck sessile she-male to do? Well, if you are hung like a barnacle you don’t really have to move that far.

… penises reaching up to 10 times their body size.

… For most of the year, the barnacle’s penis is rather languid. The vernal season for this little fellow is September to October where it rapidly grows until ready to spring into action come November. Unfortunately, the excitement of it all is short lived and the penis is cast off with the next moult upon mating. Because the growth and decay of the penis happens so quickly, Hoch hypothesizes that it is costly to maintain this one-use only appendage. If the closest neighbor is far away, it will need to invest more energy into maleness, resulting in a longer penis.

Well, I don’t know about you, but one thing really stands out from that report. They cast off their penises every year! You do the math. Where do they all go? Imagine if humans did that willy-nilly anywhere, not recycling or putting them to any good use.





  1. Rossellini was dressed as a whale, a limpet, an anglerfish, and a barnacle
    Ah, yes, Green Porno. Much as I like Ms Rossellini, the decision to act the roles personally comes across as a bit flakey. And it’s a ripoff of Dr Tatiana.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 31, 2009 @ 8:57 am

  2. You two can be very … different … y’know?


    Comment by Felix Grant — March 31, 2009 @ 9:32 am

  3. Jeez Louise, Ray. She’s wearing a twenty foot penis and you call it “a bit flakey.” She passed “a bit” at about one foot.


    Who “two”? Willy and Nilly?

    I’m trying to be “different.” Dr. C told me to be empirical. Barnacles are concrete, fixed, measurable. I made no mention of the metaphysical barnacle.

    Comment by unrealnature — March 31, 2009 @ 9:54 am

  4. Then again, one has to admire her ability to be “dressed as a whale, a limpet, an anglerfish, and a barnacle”. That’s quite a costume.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 31, 2009 @ 2:23 pm

  5. Hide the children. I knew Fossellini was flakey when her boyfriend lost his ear in “Blue Velvet.”

    Comment by Dr. C. — April 6, 2009 @ 4:49 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: