Unreal Nature

March 29, 2009

Bird Words

Filed under: Uncategorized — unrealnature @ 6:21 am


(above) Doves. The enemy. They can suction up all your birdseed faster than an industrial vacuum cleaner. I made it through this winter without them noticing my feeding station, but just recently, they have found me. Bloated, with insatiable appetite, leaving nothing for the little guys . . . who does that remind you of in our current economy?


(above) Romance. What a racket. They’re knee-deep in bird seed and she wants him to pick out the best seeds and give them to her.


(above) A pine siskin. They are probably the smallest bird that I see, yet they are also the meanest. And this one was the meanest of the mean. He would not let anybody else eat anything. Not one other bird was allowed to so much as land on the eight feet of railing where the food is. He wanted it all for himself. Another AIG Goldman Sachs kind of bird.


(above) This bird needs an exorcist.


(above) Optical illusion


(above) I call this one “Dr. C”


(above) This junco sits on this branch and watches me, thoughtfully, for long periods of time. I think she wants to be a photographer. I should get her a little camera and let her take pictures of me through the glass as I eat my lunch. (I wonder if she has a blog.)




  1. yet they are also the meanest

    I’ve always taken “the meanest sparrow” in that sense.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 29, 2009 @ 7:00 am

  2. That is an odd usage. I wonder how it was supposed to be interpreted — sparrows are not ‘mean’ in any of the many senses of the word.

    Comment by unrealnature — March 29, 2009 @ 10:35 am

  3. Looking at the full OED, it’s one of a number of archaic usages

    b. Petty, insignificant, unimportant; inconsiderable. Now rare.

    as in Gray’s “The meanest floweret of the vale” and Wordsworth’s “the meanest flower that blows”.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 29, 2009 @ 5:39 pm

  4. What a brillant display of paradox, or quantum time work if you will. You see, that is me after I’ve eaten the photographer!

    Comment by Dr. C. — March 30, 2009 @ 7:48 am

  5. News anchor Bob doing the six o:clock news

    Bob Unreal? Unreal? Can you hear me, Unreal?

    tapping his earplug with an expression of deep concern
    sound of Unreal’s voice crackles over the airwaves

    Unreal Yes, Bob. This is Unreal Nature, reporting to you live, from deep in Dr. C’s intestines.

    What have I found out so far? It’s bagels all the way down.

    Film at eight.

    Comment by unrealnature — March 30, 2009 @ 10:12 am

  6. Right down to the Last Visible Bagel.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 30, 2009 @ 11:05 am

  7. Is this Max Bagel we’re talking about – seminal proctologist and discoverer of the Largest Viable Bagelian Ring?

    Comment by Felix Grant — March 30, 2009 @ 5:21 pm

  8. Yes, until – as Tom Lehrer put it – they caught him at it.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — March 31, 2009 @ 4:47 am

  9. By the way, here is the Last Visible Bagel.

    Comment by Ray Girvan — April 1, 2009 @ 6:41 am

  10. I don’t know, Ray. A bagel ain’t a bagel without a hole. If there is a hole, then you could put a bagel in it. If there is no hole, then there is no bagel.

    Comment by unrealnature — April 1, 2009 @ 8:04 am

  11. Looks vaguely like a barnacle to me. But then, what do I know.

    Comment by Dr. C. — April 1, 2009 @ 5:32 pm

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