Unreal Nature

March 25, 2009

Onion Science

Filed under: Uncategorized — unrealnature @ 6:31 am

MANASSAS, VA — According to a study published Monday in The Journal Of Experimental Biology, a rare species of tree frog found only in a small section of the Amazon rainforest may give hope to millions suffering from…oh, wait, forget it. It’s extinct. “A biochemical compound present solely in this species could be used to create an inexpensive, readily available medication that will all but eliminate the devastating…wait, what?” said Dr. Prianka Chadha, a research biologist at George Mason University and lead author of the likely Nobel Prize–winning … well, probably not now. “Really? All of them? Shit.” Chadha urged the public not to lose hope, because her research team is prepared to clone the gene responsible for the frog’s curative … oops, scratch that. They just had their funding pulled.

The above is from Rare Species of Frog May Hold Cure to … Ah, Never Mind, It’s Extinct from the Onion (March 5, 2009)

And the below is from San Franciscon Historians Condemn 1906 Earthquake Deniers (March 6, 2009):

… “On Apr. 18, 1906, an earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale killed 3,000 San Franciscans and devastated a growing metropolis,” Professor Richard Kasper of the University of California, Berkeley, told reporters Tuesday. “It was a massive, massive earthquake. To say otherwise is to callously ignore not only the suffering of the disaster’s victims, but also a mountain of photographs, video footage, and eyewitness reports.”

Added Kasper: “And I find it personally offensive to suggest that a single malfunctioning trolley car could have wiped out 490 city blocks.”

The last words of the article, from the earthquake deniers:

“San Franciscans need to wake up and smell the lies and deceits they’ve been fed for the last century,” Earthquake Denier Jared Meeder said. “If a giant earthquake did actually occur, why would anyone in their right mind rebuild a city knowing full well that another earthquake could easily come along and destroy it again?”

“Think about it,” Meeder added.

Addendum: Ray Girvan has an excellent follow-up post about the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. In particular, the (genuine) photos found in his linked page, Lawrence Captive Airshop Over San Francisco, are amazing. Also, be sure to look at the ‘Onion in History’ links that he has provided at the end of his post. Especially the one for 1963.

-Julie

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